fear vs. phobia

i don't think that people without a phobia understand the difference between fear and a phobia. i personally have several phobias, but the one i struggle with daily is driving. i'm terrified of driving, as most of you who know me are already aware. it frustrates me greatly to not be self-sufficient. i hate that i'm an inconvenience to those around me. i have been trying to get over it. i can drive myself to work, the store, the doctor, etc. i do fine on a daily basis. but i cannot drive to highlands ranch or even to westminster sometimes.

this post was prompted by the occurrences of saturday. my car had a recall so we needed to take it to the dealership. the dealership is in an area where the roads are horribly laid out and highly well used. consequently, i was very nervous about driving the other car there so that my husband and i didn't have to sit and wait in the dealership for 2.5 hours. so i was scared and very nervous but decided that i could just do it anyway. face your fear and all that jazz. then i look outside. it had snowed. this added another layer of complication and terror for me. i started to cry and almost to shake. i just couldn't do it. and the worst part is that i know it's stupid and that i should just get over it. but i can't. i get panic attacks sometimes just thinking about it. (luckily, my husband is unbelievably understanding and never gets annoyed at me because i can't drive places.)

some people around me don't understand. they just think that i'm scared and i can just drive and get over it. but it doesn't work that way. it doesn't get better. i could drive the same stretch of road hundreds of times. but each time, i'm nervous. it's not just fear. it's more than that. it's persistent, irrational, annoying fear that i just can't get past. people without the phobia just don't get it. they make me feel like an absolute idiot for not being able to drive where ever i need to go. i feel like a child. but i just can't do it. and no one is as annoyed with it as i am. i HATE it. i see it as another failure.

there's really no point to this other than venting, except, perhaps, to remind you to be aware of other people's fears and not to dismiss them so easily.